


London to Tokyo

by t_hens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:33:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: Phil,I’m sorry that you’re not here right now, but I guess I should be used to that. It’s been a long time since you’ve been home when I really needed you to be. I’m sorry i left in Tokyo but I can’t do this anymore. I’m not happy and I haven’t been for quite a while and I think you know that.I want you to know that I do love you. I love you so much and that’s why this is so hard.*********************************************************************************************





	London to Tokyo

**Author's Note:**

> this was something I wrote a while back. it is heavily based off of three Motion City Soundtrack songs, which I will link below. it's not really a fleshed out story but every time I heard the songs I felt the urge to write *something* so this happened.
> 
> as always please let me know what you think. you can talk to me on tumblr @tobieallison :)
> 
> Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/tobielovell/playlist/3PJqdm9G7999dp3oJqjaA0?si=mUSxTRgxQPm98hZKsn27aA

Phil kicks the alley wall behind the club he is supposed to be inside. The phone pressed to his ear continues to ring and he contemplates hanging up when Dan answers. 

“Hello?” His voice cracks, like he just woke up. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot about the time differences,” Phil apologizes. It must be close to 6am on Sunday morning back at home and Phil most likely just ruined Dan’s only chance to sleep in. 

“It’s fine,” he says, a little more awake this time. “What’s up?” 

“Not much, just wanted to say hi before the show started. I mean technically it has started but this opening act sucks. I’m not sure why every high school kid in America thinks they have what it takes to make a punk band, some of them just need to stay in the garage.” Dan chuckles but stays silent.   
Phil kicks the wall again with his worn-out Chuck Taylors and waits to see if he will say something else but it’s a bit of a waste and he knows it. They had left on bad terms and a phone call, waking him up none the less, isn’t going to solve their problems. 

“I just miss you and I’m sorry for fighting with you and I know this is my fault. I’m trying and I know that isn’t much but it’s something right?” There isn’t a response from Dan right away, but Phil thinks he’s about to say something when the club door opens, and any response is drowned out by the music playing and Jeff, his writing partner, yelling “They’re on right now, why aren’t you inside?” 

“Shit! I’m sorry I have to go, I love you.” Phil hangs up before Dan can respond and he’s rushing inside to watch the band he’d flown all the way to the Middle of Nowhere, America to write a piece on. He thinks about texting Dan and apologizing again but the music is loud, and the band is actually really good and before he knows it he has a drink in his hand, his phone safely stored in his back pocket, along with his intentions to text Dan.  
******************************************  
Phil enters the kitchen dragging his feet, hands at his temples trying to extinguish the pounding in his head. Dan is already there, making breakfast, eggs and bacon from the smell. He turns around when he hears Phil come in. He points to a cup on the counter with the spatula in his hand. 

“I already made your coffee,” he says turning back to the food. Phil picks up the mug gratefully and takes a sip. It’s still hot, and it’s made exactly how he likes it. This isn’t necessarily surprising, after 7 years with someone you know who they like their coffee. Phil presses a kiss to Dan’s head in thanks. He doesn’t pull away, but there is tension in his shoulders and he doesn’t lean into the kiss as he usually would. Phil tries not to take it too personally. 

He knows Dan has every right to be upset at him. He had been staying out later and later each night he worked, under the guise of “the band I’m doing a piece on did another set” or “I got invited to have drinks with the band, it’ll really help my piece.” And while this is all true, he knew it wasn’t fair to Dan. He could easily say no, he had enough materiel for his article, and head home to spend time with Dan at a decent time. He didn’t though, he stayed out late and would drag himself into bed around 3 or 4 in the morning, smelling like booze and smoke from the club he’d been at. Dan would wake up at 6 to get ready for work and he wouldn’t see him again until 4 that evening, only leaving an hour or two for them to see each other before Phil went to the next gig he was writing a story about. 

Dan had brought this up a few weeks ago, trying to hide how upset and wearing this arrangement was on him, but all Phil could say was “I’ll start coming home earlier, I promise,” and then would stay out late again and again.   
****************************************  
The flight was a long one, London to Tokyo was not for the light hearted. Phil adjusts in his seat, trying to look out the window past Dan to see if he could see land yet. The clouds cover everything below them and Phil sits back in his seat with a slight huff. His could feel his legs getting cramped from being in such small seats for so long. Dan glances over at him and gives him a small smile and gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. He doesn’t say anything, just lays his head against his head rest with his eyes closed but he keeps his hand on Phil’s, which Phil is grateful for. There had been so much happening lately, and he constantly worries about things between them. Dan’s hand on his was the most affection between them in too long. Phil knows that this was mostly his fault. He stays out too late, was always working, and anytime Dan tries to confront him about it, he shrugs it off and says he would try harder. Both know this wasn’t going to happen and Dan had started to become withdrawn. He stopped turning over when Phil would crawl into bed at an ungodly hour. There were no drowsy morning snuggles, no sweet kisses and Phil couldn’t even remember the last time they had had sex. 

He feels guilt well up in his chest, threatening to gag him. He knows Dan didn’t deserve the way he had been acting, and he genuinely wants to make things better. When he had been asked to cover an up and coming rock group who was on their world tour, making a two-night stop in Tokyo he didn’t hesitate to ask Dan to come with. They both love Japan and always wanted to travel there. Dan accepted the invitation with a huge smile and a small kiss on Phil’s cheek. Phil knew this wasn’t a magic fix, but he hoped it was step in the right direction. He had taken a week off and had Dan do the same so that they could have an actual vacation, not just a work trip. He was hoping that this would be a good opportunity to start to make amends. Give Dan the attention and affection that he was obviously missing.   
******************************************  
The club was loud. The band wouldn’t be starting for another hour and Phil wasn’t sure coming so early was a good idea when he sees how on edge Dan is. His eyebrows are drawn together, and he bites his thumbnail like he did when he was nervous. Phil moves to put his arm around him, but Dan moves away quickly. 

“I need to go outside.” Dan says, hurrying out of the booth before Phil can reply. He follows him out into the parking lot, where he begins to pace.

“What’s wrong. Do you need to go back to the room?” Afraid he might be having a panic attack. Dan shakes his head and faces Phil, tears starting to form in his eyes.

“I just don’t think this is working anymore.” Dan says, his tears fall and he wipes his eyes on that frumpy grey sweater Phil hates. 

“What do you mean?” Phil asks but he really doesn’t have to. Things haven’t been working for a while. It doesn’t stop him from wanting to stop this inevitable conversation though. 

“I’m not happy.” Dan doesn’t say it in the cruel, angry way that he has every right to, but somehow this lifeless dead sounding tone he uses is worse. It reminds Phil of when his parents would tell him they weren’t mad at him, they were just disappointed. Dan has tears streaming down his face that he wipes away hurriedly. 

“I’m sorry, we can fix this- “Dan interrupts him with a yell and a pointed finger, “No we can’t!” Phil flinches at the sound. 

“This isn’t worth fixing anymore. You always think that just saying sorry will fix things but they don’t. You never actually try and I’m done. I shouldn’t have to carry this relationship. I shouldn’t have to carry you.” 

Phil stands there a bit dumb-struck, arms still extended towards Dan like he is a statue. He racks his brain for the right thing to say, something that will make things okay, take that broken look off Dan’s face. Before he can say anything, the rain that had been light and timid seconds earlier turns torrential and in seconds they are both soaked. Dan sputters at the sudden down-pouring and runs for the awning outside the club. Phil blinks at the sky for a second before running after Dan. He joins him under the awning and tries to shake his wet hair out of his eyes. Dan shivers and puts his arms around himself in an attempt to warm himself. Phil reaches out to rub his arm, maybe draw him into a hug but Dan flinches like he’s been burned and pulls away. 

He turns back into the club and disappears into the crowd before Phil can say anything. He enters the club and makes a bee line for the bar. He knows that he probably should be going after Dan but he also knows that Dan doesn’t want to talk to him. He takes a long pull out of the beer clutched in his hand and reasons with himself that he’s doing the right thing. If Dan didn’t want him anymore, what was the point of going after him. The logical part of his brain supplies that he loves Dan, and that should be reason enough. He loves Dan even though he does a shitty job of showing it. He loves his terrible fashion sense and the way he looks right when he wakes up. The way he knows exactly how much marmalade Phil likes on his toast and that he only drank coffee when he was stressed out. A million tiny things to love about someone who you had been with for almost a decade. Things he forgot he loved until he was reminded. 

Maybe if he told Dan these things he would remember that things were good once, show him that he did pay attention, that he did still love him. Phil slams his hand on the bar, startling the bar keeper. He leaves money on the bar and makes his way towards the exit. Dan didn’t have too much of a head start on him, he might be able to catch him still waiting for a cab. He jerks the club door open and the cold air from the rain hits him in the face. He looks around for Dan but can’t see him through the heavy downpour. He braves the rain and starts hailing a cab.   
*******************************  
The apartment is deserted when Phil finally arrives back in London. Phil’s cab had gotten stuck in traffic and he had to wait 6 hours for the next flight to London, narrowly missing the previous flight that Dan must have boarded. He searches through each room, hoping that maybe Dan is just taking a nap, or a shower and his worst fears haven’t been realized. It isn’t until he reaches their bedroom that he realizes that there are items missing. Not all of Dan’s things, just a few of the random pieces of clothes that Phil knows were on the floor when they left. He looks in the closets and sure enough, a few random shirts and hoodies are gone.   
Phil wonders into the kitchen, desperately needing coffee, or a strong drink. Or both. He moves to turn the kettle on when he sees a note on the counter.   
Phil,   
I’m sorry that you’re not here right now, but I guess I should be used to that by now. It’s been a long time since you’ve been home when I really needed you to be. I’m sorry i left in Tokyo but I can’t do this anymore. I’m not happy and I haven’t been for quite a while and I think you know that.  
I want you to know that I do love you. I love you so much and that’s why this is so hard. You’re everything good and wonderful in my life but you’re also a lot of the really shitty things and I don’t think that’s fair. I want to go back to how things were. Back to date nights and lazy Sundays in bed. When you would touch me just because you loved me.   
Maybe I just need some time. I don’t know.  
I’ll have my brother come by and get my stuff this weekend, it would probably be best if you weren’t here for that.  
I love you. Please try and take care of yourself.  
Dan

Phil reads and rereads the letter several times before it starts to sink in. Dan is gone. Really gone. He finds his way to the kitchen table and flings himself into a chair. He knew this was coming. Dan told him as much in Tokyo, but Phil somehow thought that if he could catch him, he could…. what? his brain supplies. Talk to him? Kiss him in some dramatic fashion like some Romantic Comedy. That wasn’t real life. Dan told him he was done, and here was the proof: a partially empty apartment and a wrinkly piece of paper with Dan’s illegible scrawl on it. Phil wonders if he means it when he says that he just needs time. He could get his act together. He could be a better boyfriend. Start making more effort to treat Dan right. He could get a better job; tell his boss he can’t cover bands anymore, just write fluff news pieces. He could do it, but he knows he won’t. So instead of showering or sleeping or any of the responsible things he could be doing, he hails a cab to the nearest pub and orders a beer and tries not to think about the wadded-up letter in his coat pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> no proof reading, we post without editing like men.


End file.
